Religious OCD Turns Rituals Into Daily Struggles for Jerusalem Woman

Miriam (a pseudonym), a 63-year-old woman from the Jerusalem area, has battled religious obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for many years, where her anxiety centers on strict adherence to Jewish law. She shares her experience of how rituals like immersion in the mikveh and kashrut observance, which are meant to bring spiritual meaning, became sources of relentless fear and distress. Miriam’s OCD manifests in worries about ritual purity, such as whether she was sufficiently clean after mikveh visits or if dairy touched meat in her kitchen, with no anxiety outside religious contexts.

She realized her condition was abnormal after several years of marriage when her fears intensified and she noticed other women did not share her anxieties. Initially misunderstood by her family, they eventually recognized her struggles were not intentional but part of her illness. Miriam sought help from psychiatrists and rabbis but found little coordinated support, as professionals often referred her back and forth between mental health and religious authorities. She began medication around age 40 but still feels a lack of therapists who fully understand the intersection of OCD and halacha (Jewish law).

Her mental health challenges have affected her religious life, especially regarding purity laws and Sabbath observance, though not fasting. Despite ongoing faith, Miriam feels a painful sense of being unloved by God, contrasting with common religious teachings. She admits that if she were healthier, she might have considered leaving religious observance but remains committed due to family and deep-rooted identity.

Today, Miriam no longer visits the mikveh but continues to face anxiety in other areas. Her experience led her to shift careers into complementary medicine, where she now works part-time helping others. She maintains contact with Rabbi Yoni Rosenzweig, who specializes in halacha and mental health, appreciating his accessibility but noting the absence of rabbis available for therapeutic-level conversations. Miriam emphasizes the importance of supportive communities and calls for more rabbis trained in mental health to provide appropriate guidance. She highlights the work of Rabbi Rosenzweig and the "Mental Health Circles" initiative that trains rabbis and counselors in this field.

Miriam’s story sheds light on the complex challenges faced by religious individuals with OCD, underscoring the need for integrated mental health and religious support systems.