Rabbi Benny Wurtzman Reveals 40-Year Secret Battle With Wife's Mental Illness
Translated & summarized from Srugim by baba
Rabbi Benny Wurtzman revealed he hid his first wife Mimi's severe bipolar disorder for 40 years while maintaining a public career. The struggle began when they were young parents on the Golan Heights, and he feared stigma. After Mimi's death in 2023, he wrote a book about their experience, "Around the Wind Spins," detailing the emotional and physical toll. He now works as a psychotherapist and urges greater sensitivity and support for those with mental illness in the religious community.
The story in 6 lines · by baba
- Rabbi Benny Wurtzman concealed his first wife's severe bipolar disorder for four decades.
- He maintained a public career while managing his wife's illness and fearing societal stigma.
- His new book, "Around the Wind Spins," details the family's struggle and his decision to go public.
- The emotional strain led to physical ailments, later understood as psychosomatic.
- He advocates for increased community awareness and support for mental health issues.
- The couple eventually divorced, but he continued to visit her in the hospital.
Rabbi Benny Wurtzman has revealed that for four decades, he concealed his first wife Mimi's severe bipolar disorder from the public while maintaining a prominent career. The story, detailed in his new book "Around the Wind Spins," begins with Mimi's sudden death in January 2023 and looks back to their early years as a young couple with four children living in Hispin on the Golan Heights.
Mimi, a beloved educator, began experiencing severe mental health deterioration one winter morning. Initially mistaken for postpartum depression, her condition was later diagnosed as severe bipolar disorder. At the time, forty years ago, public awareness of mental illness was low, and the Wurtzmans, fearing stigma, sought private, alternative treatments. Rabbi Wurtzman continued his public roles as secretary-general of the Ezra youth movement, head of an Ulpana, and CEO of the 'La'or Nelech' organization, all while managing his wife's illness in secret.
The turning point came when a magazine editor requested an interview about coping with mental illness in the religious sector. After much deliberation, Rabbi Wurtzman agreed, leading to public lectures and extensive writing on Facebook. The positive responses from others who felt less alone encouraged him to continue sharing his story. His current wife, Esti, was instrumental in encouraging him to write the book, which was edited by Chayuta Deutsch and Inbal Haimeri.
Wurtzman described the immense emotional toll of keeping the secret, even telling their children their mother had the flu. He later realized the mistake of not seeking professional help for them earlier and offered to pay for therapy for his adult children, acknowledging the complex burden they carried. The community also offered support, sometimes unaware of the full extent of the situation, bringing meals and assistance.
The emotional strain manifested physically, with Rabbi Wurtzman experiencing severe chest and body pains, though all medical tests were normal. A family doctor suggested the pain was psychosomatic, a release of stress when he felt more secure. The family navigated numerous hospitalizations for Mimi, finding a more supportive environment in a residential alternative to hospitalization called 'Soteria' in Jerusalem.
A dramatic chapter in his life involved the difficult halachic decision to grant Mimi a get (divorce). Both Mimi and later their children, siblings, and friends urged him to do so, recognizing his declining health. After consulting with rabbis, including Rabbi Yehoshua Shapira and Rabbi Avi Zerbib, the get was granted with great sensitivity, accompanied by the children's tears. Even after remarrying Esti, Rabbi Wurtzman continued weekly visits to Mimi in the hospital, supported by his current wife.
Today, Rabbi Wurtzman works as a psychotherapist and couples counselor, drawing from his personal experience. He urges the religious community to be more sensitive and observant of those around them who may be struggling. To families and individuals dealing with mental illness, he advises seeking help, emphasizing that it is a treatable illness and that numerous support systems now exist.