Hersh Goldberg-Polin's Mother Speaks on Grief and Trauma

Rachel Goldberg-Polin, mother of Hersh Goldberg-Polin who was abducted to Gaza on October 7th and murdered in Hamas captivity after 328 days, spoke on Wednesday at a state health insurance law conference in Jerusalem. She discussed coping with bereavement and the societal expectation to return to normalcy.

"We look okay, but we are not okay," Goldberg-Polin stated, describing her internal pain as a "broken heart and a broken soul" with a "dagger stuck in my chest." She acknowledged that such questions stem from care and a lack of knowing what to say, but emphasized that her experience is not a simple narrative of falling and rising.

She cautioned against "toxic positivity," the pressure to assure trauma survivors that "everything will be okay" instead of allowing them to express their pain. Goldberg-Polin explained that this can be a further injury, stating, "Everyone experiences pain and needs different support." She illustrated this by noting that she, her husband John, and their daughters experienced the same tragedy but processed it differently, comparing it to individuals in a car accident who sustain both shared and unique injuries.

Goldberg-Polin advised approaching those who have experienced trauma and loss by trying to understand their individual needs rather than assuming what one would want in their situation. "This is the hardest work," she concluded, "to do kindness, to see the person and not put yourself in their shoes, but to see them in their shoes and ask: How can I help this person from where they are coming from?"

Her book, "When We See You Again," co-authored with her husband, explores their struggle to bring Hersh home and their life after his murder, focusing on love and pain.