Rabbi Assaf Razon Discusses Modern Matchmaking and Marriage Challenges

Rabbi Assaf Razon, who has been married for over twenty years and guides young men through the matchmaking process, shared his views on relationships in a recent interview. He acknowledged that as a "baal teshuva" (someone who returned to religious observance), he anticipated being viewed as "second class" in the matchmaking world, but dismissed this notion.

Razon presented what he termed a "radical" perspective: that God created humans as incomplete halves, with the other half existing somewhere in the world. He advised that while a checklist for a potential partner is useful for alignment, it should not become a "shopping list." He emphasized the need for flexibility, compromise, and acceptance, as individuals bring their own desires, emotions, and values into a relationship. For those aiming to build a home, he stressed focusing on the type of home they wish to create rather than compromising on fundamental aspects of their personality.

Reflecting on his own career path, Razon mentioned pursuing work beyond Talmudic studies before it became a public discussion, feeling his talents were not solely confined to religious scholarship. He also touched upon the significance of the "Ketubah" (marriage contract), explaining that its mention of divorce serves as a reminder that a relationship requires ongoing effort, akin to an open door allowing access to knowledge.

He discussed why some couples separate after marriage, attributing it to the shift from pre-nuptial freedom to post-nuptial commitment. Razon highlighted that emotional attraction is paramount, and without it, a relationship is unlikely to succeed. He recounted an instance where a potential partner declared him a "failure" for not understanding her unspoken discomfort, illustrating the importance of sensitivity.

Razon cautioned against excessive testing or disqualifying matches based on minor details early in the process, as insufficient familiarity exists to overlook small issues. He also addressed the comfort of silence in close relationships, advising against anxiety over perceived conversational gaps. Regarding societal labels, he quoted his rabbi, stating that the "neighbors' opinions" are both the best and worst aspects of the Haredi community, urging individuals to examine the person beyond the label.