Israeli Therapist Explains How to Overcome Feelings of Inferiority
Translated & summarized from Kikar HaShabbat by baba
Israeli emotional therapist Yossi Avdo explains how feelings of inferiority stem from social comparison, often fueled by envy and the curated self-presentations of others. Drawing on biblical narratives and psychological theories, Avdo illustrates how constant comparison, especially with close peers, can be damaging. He offers practical advice, including focusing on personal growth, questioning external benchmarks, and creating one's own path, to overcome these detrimental feelings and find self-worth.
The story in 5 lines · by baba
- Feelings of inferiority often arise from comparing oneself to others, especially those perceived as more successful.
- Psychologist Leon Festinger's social comparison theory explains the human drive to evaluate oneself against others.
- Envy and the curated self-presentations of others can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy.
- The biblical story of Isaac's wells suggests moving on from conflict to create one's own space.
- Therapist Yossi Avdo advises focusing on personal values and growth rather than detrimental comparisons.
Emotional therapist and graphologist Yossi Avdo addresses the pervasive feeling of inferiority, noting that many individuals compare themselves unfavorably to others, even when no external criticism exists. He draws parallels from the biblical story of Jacob and Esau, where Esau feigned piety to deceive his father, highlighting how people often present an idealized image that masks their true selves. Avdo explains that this tendency to compare oneself to others, particularly those perceived as more successful, can lead to pain and self-diminishment.
Referencing psychologist Leon Festinger's 1954 social comparison theory, Avdo notes that humans have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often using others as benchmarks when objective measures are unavailable. While upward comparison can be inspiring, it becomes damaging when it leads to a judgment of one's own worth. The pain is often amplified when the comparison is made with close peers, siblings, or friends, whose successes feel more personally relevant than those of distant acquaintances.
Avdo introduces a case study of a 36-year-old business owner named Nathan, who felt his own accomplishments were insignificant compared to his successful brother-in-law and brother. Nathan's joy in his printing and signage business waned as he constantly measured himself against them. Avdo helps Nathan differentiate between the act of comparison, the resulting envy, and the deep-seated feeling of inferiority that arises when one interprets perceived gaps as a verdict on their value.
Drawing from the biblical account of Isaac's wells, Avdo illustrates how Isaac, after facing disputes over his first two wells (named Esek, meaning strife, and Sitnah, meaning hatred), eventually moved and dug a third well, Rehoboth, signifying expansion and peace. This suggests that sometimes, the wisest course is not to fight for what others dispute but to move on and create one's own space. Avdo advocates for focusing on personal growth and values rather than engaging in constant, detrimental comparisons.
To combat these feelings, Avdo suggests practical steps: digging one's own well by identifying personal values and goals; questioning the standards by which one is being measured; pausing before comparison escalates; reframing upward comparisons as learning opportunities; and offering genuine congratulations to others without diminishing oneself. He emphasizes that true worth comes from focusing on one's own path and actions within one's control, rather than external validation or perceived success relative to others.