Parenting Expert Advises Against 'Equal Treatment' for Siblings

Parenting advisor Michal Daliel offered guidance on common childhood behaviors, emphasizing that striving for perfect equality between siblings can be counterproductive. She stated that life is not balanced and attempting to create such an environment only fosters competition, comparison, and jealousy. Instead of preventing jealousy, Daliel advises parents to teach children how to manage this emotion. When children complain about unequal treatment, parents should acknowledge the situation briefly, like saying "Wow, that happens, I didn't notice," or "That's a bummer," and move on without getting drawn into lengthy comparisons or scorekeeping.

Daliel also addressed physical altercations between siblings, calling hitting a red line. However, she suggested separating the children calmly and matter-of-factly, one to the right and one to the left, rather than investigating who started it. She believes giving such incidents excessive attention, through yelling or drama, only encourages them.

Regarding frustration and tantrums in toddlers, Daliel explained that at age three, children's minds are active, and they may react with crying and screaming when frustrated, especially if they no longer have a pacifier for comfort. She advises parents to focus on the event itself rather than the crying, and to respond calmly and practically, without amplifying the drama. For nighttime disturbances, if children's cries risk waking a baby, Daliel suggests entering the child's room, sitting quietly, and stating that you are present and waiting for them to calm down and communicate, avoiding escalation into shouting or excessive excitement.

Daliel also touched upon disagreements between parents regarding education, calling them a recipe for marital burnout. She stressed the importance of joint decision-making through structured parenting guidance, acknowledging that individuals are different and cannot change their partner's personality. She cautioned against excessive explanations to young children, suggesting that clear, calm boundaries and offering limited choices between acceptable options, with parental unity and mutual support, are more effective than prolonged discussions or power struggles. For children waking siblings early, Daliel proposed a strategy where the parent takes the younger child to their own bed for quiet play, thus rewarding the early riser with exclusive attention without anger or lectures. Alternatively, she suggested agreeing beforehand that an early-waking, bored child can play quietly in their room with a chosen game.