Rabbi Explores Dangers of Excessive Admiration in Relationships
Translated & summarized from Arutz Sheva by baba
Rabbi Elazar Lewental explained that while admiration can strengthen relationships, it can also be detrimental if it prevents honesty. Using the biblical couple Isaac and Rebecca, he illustrated how deep admiration can hinder partners from correcting each other's mistakes. Lewental advised balancing admiration with open communication and the ability to address errors, ensuring partners feel both valued and human.
The story in 5 lines · by baba
- Rabbi Elazar Lewental discussed the dual nature of admiration in relationships.
- Excessive admiration can prevent partners from speaking truthfully to each other.
- He cited the biblical couple Isaac and Rebecca as an example.
- Rebecca's admiration for Isaac made it hard for her to correct his mistakes.
- Lewental advised balancing admiration with open communication and constructive criticism.
Rabbi Elazar Lewental discussed the complex nature of admiration within romantic relationships in a recent video column. He explained that while admiration can significantly strengthen a bond by empowering a partner and highlighting their positive qualities, it can also come at a cost if it prevents partners from speaking truthfully to one another.
Lewental used the biblical couple Isaac and Rebecca as an example. He noted that Rebecca's initial deep admiration for Isaac, evident when she fell from her camel upon first seeing him, was a powerful force. However, this same admiration later made it difficult for her to confront Isaac when she believed he was mistaken about their sons.
"When you admire someone, it's hard to disagree with them, it's hard to point out their mistakes. And what can you do, people sometimes make mistakes," Lewental stated. He elaborated that Rebecca's profound respect for Isaac hindered her from directly telling him he was wrong.
Despite this challenge, Lewental emphasized that Isaac and Rebecca's relationship also exemplified devotion and loyalty. For twenty years without children, Isaac prayed for Rebecca instead of seeking a replacement or taking a concubine. Even when he realized he had mistakenly blessed Jacob, he accepted the situation, saying, "He shall be blessed too."
Rabbi Lewental concluded that admiration is not something to be discarded but a feeling that must be managed wisely. It should involve continuing to see the good in a partner and making them feel valued, without becoming a barrier to open communication, constructive criticism, or error correction. The goal, he suggested, is to "admire without fear, and to disagree without hurting," ensuring a partner feels both greatly appreciated and humanly fallible.