Children's Difficulties Often Stem From Parental Denial of Root Problems
Translated & summarized from Kikar HaShabbat by baba
A children's book, "The Dragon That Wasn't There," is highlighted for its therapeutic relevance, suggesting that parental denial of root problems causes at least 50% of children's difficulties. Author Rabbi Asher Grossman uses case studies to show how ignoring the "dragon in the room", the actual issue, leads to ineffective solutions. Addressing the core problem, such as unrealistic expectations or reading disabilities, allows for manageable solutions and reduces parental stress.
The story in 6 lines · by baba
- Parental denial of root problems causes at least 50% of children's difficulties, according to educator Rabbi Asher Grossman.
- The children's book "The Dragon That Wasn't There" illustrates how ignoring a problem allows it to grow.
- Parents often focus on symptoms rather than the underlying "dragon in the room" issue.
- Unrealistic expectations and a child's learning disabilities are examples of core issues parents may ignore.
- Directly addressing the true problem, however difficult, leads to more effective solutions.
- Honest discussion about a problem can reduce its magnitude and make it manageable.
A 40-year-old children's book, "The Dragon That Wasn't There" by Jack Kent, is being re-examined for its therapeutic value in addressing parental denial of underlying issues. The story features a boy, Billy Bixby, whose mother dismisses his claims of a dragon in his room. As she continues to ignore the dragon, it grows larger and larger, eventually engulfing their house and taking them on a journey. The dragon only shrinks when Billy's father intervenes and asks it to return, with Billy explaining it simply wanted attention.
The article's author, Rabbi Asher Grossman, a veteran educator, posits that at least 50% of children's difficulties stem from parents ignoring the root cause of the problem, likening this denial to the mother's dismissal of the dragon. He argues that parents often present symptoms as the core issue, while the real problem, the "dragon in the room," remains unaddressed.
Grossman illustrates this with two case studies. In one, parents sought to transfer their nine-year-old son to a new school due to his disruptive behavior, believing the teacher couldn't handle him. Grossman identified the parents' unrealistic expectations of their only child as the true issue, leading them to view any imperfection as a failure. Once the parents acknowledged their son was not a "class star" but a "middle" child, they became willing to cooperate with the school.
In another instance, a father blamed a math teacher for his son's poor performance, unaware the boy was dyslexic and struggled with reading. Grossman points out that the "dragon" was the child's inability to read, which prevented him from understanding word problems, not the teacher or the subject itself. Addressing the actual reading difficulty, rather than the perceived teaching inadequacy, changed the father's perspective and led to a more effective approach.
Grossman concludes that confronting problems directly and honestly, rather than ignoring them, leads to more effective solutions. While acknowledging that changing deeply ingrained beliefs can be difficult, he emphasizes that honest discussion can reduce the problem's magnitude, making it manageable.