Rabbi Advocates Building Children's Desire for Mitzvot Over Forced Compliance

Rabbi Yona Goodman, in a new video column for Channel 7's "Education in Our Generation" series, argues that parents should prioritize cultivating their children's internal desire to perform religious commandments (mitzvot) rather than solely demanding outward compliance. Many parents are concerned when their children do not strictly observe mitzvot, such as prayer or modest dress, and seek ways to enforce these practices.

Rabbi Goodman suggests that focusing on external behavior misses the core educational goal. He explains that while a parent can dictate a daughter's attire, this control is temporary and doesn't foster genuine commitment. "The second she leaves my authority, or even now, when I am not home for a few days for one reason or another, she will dress differently," he stated.

Instead, he proposes investing in building children's internal identification with mitzvot. When a child genuinely wants to pray, bless, or dress modestly, their observance becomes independent of parental presence or demands. "I must succeed in building the desire, the desire to pray, the desire to dress modestly... the desire itself to do the will of our Father in Heaven, then whether I am present or not, the child wants it," Rabbi Goodman said.

This approach involves shifting educational priorities from immediate behavior to strengthening the underlying desire that will guide actions long-term. Even when parents worry about social judgment, such as neighbors' or a school principal's opinions, the focus should remain on building desire, not just achieving immediate obedience. Rabbi Goodman concludes that this method may be longer, but its long-term impact is more significant, as built desire leads to sustained observance over many years.