Sexologist Explains Healthy Desire vs. Using Sex as an Escape
Translated & summarized from Ynet by baba
Sexologist Dr. Ariel Cohen Arkin explained that healthy sexuality involves mutual connection and emotional richness, while using sex to escape difficult feelings is a form of "sexualization." He detailed how this coping mechanism, similar to emotional eating, can lead to problematic behaviors and emphasized that therapy can help individuals develop healthier emotional regulation strategies.
The story in 5 lines · by baba
- Healthy sexuality relies on mutual connection and emotional richness between partners.
- Using sex to escape difficult emotions is termed 'sexualization' and is unhealthy.
- Sexualization can manifest as compulsive sexual behavior or seeking validation.
- Therapy can help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms for emotional distress.
- Daily sex is not necessary for long-term relationship health; daily regulation is.
Dr. Ariel Cohen Arkin, a sexologist and certified couple and family therapist at the Sheba Medical Center, discussed the difference between healthy sexual desire and using sex as a coping mechanism on the podcast "Sex Appeal." He explained that while most animals engage in sex driven by instinct for reproduction, humans engage in sexual relations, emphasizing the importance of the relationship aspect. Healthy sexuality, according to Dr. Cohen Arkin, is characterized by synchronization between partners' feelings, mutual connection, attraction, and emotional richness. Conversely, unhealthy sexuality arises when sex becomes a tool for emotional regulation or an escape from difficult feelings like rejection, shame, or loneliness.
Dr. Cohen Arkin described "sexualization" as using sex or sexual acts as a primary strategy to cope with negative emotions, similar to emotional eating. This can manifest as compulsive masturbation, seeking numerous partners, or engaging in transactional sex, where sex becomes a platform for compensation rather than genuine connection. He differentiated this from healthy coping mechanisms like talking to a partner, hugging, or deep breathing, which promote oxytocin release and genuine emotional regulation.
He presented two archetypes of problematic sexual behavior. The first, "compensatory restoration," involves using sexual encounters to gain a sense of value or control that is lacking in daily life, citing examples of a man paying for online interactions and a woman who compulsively seduces men to reclaim a sense of sexual power denied in her upbringing. The second archetype, often hidden behind romance, involves a distorted view of sexual needs within long-term relationships, such as a husband demanding daily sex because he equates his wife's refusal with rejection, failing to recognize her underlying difficulties.
Dr. Cohen Arkin stressed that while occasional use of sex for comfort is normal, it becomes problematic when it is the sole coping strategy. He noted that therapy aims to address the root causes of these emotional wounds and develop healthier regulatory strategies, emphasizing that change is possible with consistent effort. He concluded by stating that while everyone has sexual needs, daily sex is not a requirement for healthy long-term relationships; rather, daily emotional regulation is key.