Children Need Clear Instructions, Not Hints

The article argues that adults often speak to children in ways that seem obvious to grown-ups but are not clear to children, whose understanding is more limited. To help a child succeed, connect with a request, and feel they have done what was asked, adults should use short, precise, practical language.

The writer gives several examples. At a family Shabbat meal, a father told his son, “Go to the refrigerator and see if there is cold Coke.” The boy returned after checking, but did not bring the bottle, because he understood only the literal instruction. Another example came during a pre-Passover lesson about drawing “mayim shelanu,” water drawn from a spring or tap and left overnight. One child asked, “What if we use their water?”, showing that the class had not understood the point, including the difference between the Hebrew sounds of “our” and “water drawn overnight.”

The author says vague praise and indirect requests are ineffective. Phrases such as “Be righteous and Dad will buy you a present,” or telling a child at the kindergarten school entrance, “Be as nice as you were yesterday at Grandpa and Grandma’s,” do not give a child a concrete goal. By contrast, saying, “I will buy you an electric car if you pray the entire Shacharit prayer from the siddur,” is described as clear and actionable.

The piece concludes that adults should speak to children in short, clear, pleasant language that cannot be misunderstood, so the child can say, in effect, that he or she completed what was required. The author is Rabbi Asher Gruzman, an experienced educator at the “Razi-Li” Talmud Torah in Bnei Brak.