Expert Explains How Humor Impacts Marriages and When It Helps or Hurts
Dr. Shay Galber, a specialist in applied humor, discusses the complex role humor plays in romantic relationships, emphasizing that humor cannot replace apology or empathy. He advises that couples should first understand each other, apologize if necessary, and only then use humor to ease tension. Galber warns against using the same type of humor with everyone, as people respond differently under stress, some seek lightness, others need quiet.
Research shows humor influences the body’s stress response during conflicts. While humor does not eliminate stress or replace medical treatment, it can help individuals transition from a defensive state to one where they can listen and communicate effectively. Positive shared laughter broadens cognitive abilities, fostering empathy and creative problem-solving, and signals to partners that they remain united.
Galber highlights the difference between laughing with each other and laughing at each other. Humor that targets a partner can create feelings of belittlement and damage the relationship, whereas shared humor about situations strengthens intimacy. He also stresses the importance of timing, noting that humor used before emotional validation can backfire and cause frustration.
Sarcasm is particularly harmful because it often disguises hurtful remarks as jokes, leaving the recipient feeling insulted despite the intent. Studies link contempt, often expressed through sarcastic humor, to relationship breakdowns. Galber cautions that while witty remarks may gain social approval, they can undermine a partner’s sense of security.
Regarding compatibility, Galber says couples do not need to share the same sense of humor but should enjoy positive interactions around humor. Shared laughter correlates with greater relationship satisfaction and intimacy. He suggests simple daily exercises like sharing moments that made each partner smile to cultivate closeness and counteract the brain’s negativity bias. Humor, when used thoughtfully, can enhance emotional connection and support a healthy partnership.
