Social Worker Discusses Complexities of Sexual Desire Among Religious Men and Women in Israel
Sivan Dershan, a social worker, therapist, and author specializing in sexuality, relationships, and trauma, spoke on the "Sex Appeal" podcast about the complexities of sexual desire, particularly among religious individuals. She emphasized that desire is not solely about sexual intercourse or orgasm but includes a broader longing for intimacy, such as hugging, kissing, or watching a show together. Dershan highlighted that sexual desire is influenced by various factors including hormones, medications like contraceptives and antidepressants, physical health issues such as vitamin B12 deficiency, and lifestyle factors like poor sleep and childcare responsibilities.
Dershan, who became religious at 26 and later worked extensively with religious women, noted the lack of representation of their experiences in literature. This inspired her to write the book "Metchasheket," which explores the challenges religious women face regarding sexual desire within the framework of religious law and societal expectations. She described the stress and physical tension women often feel when pressured to engage in sex despite lacking desire, a common experience she encounters in therapy.
She also addressed the unique challenges religious men face, explaining that many rarely receive affectionate touch, which affects their ability to express needs for love and intimacy beyond sexual intercourse. Dershan stressed that men often desire their partners to initiate intimacy to feel wanted but must also learn to accept other forms of closeness like cuddling.
To help women rekindle their sexual desire, Dershan recommends simple daily practices such as spending quiet time alone to reconnect with personal desires and maintaining a "desire journal" to recognize and expand the range of their wants. She also encourages couples to schedule regular date nights and to explore intimacy at times of day when desire naturally peaks, rather than adhering to societal norms about timing.
Dershan’s upcoming live podcast event on August 14 will support a shelter for LGBTQ+ youth in distress, inviting public participation. Contact details for collaborations with "Sex Appeal" are available through Lory Shtetmaur.
