How to Talk to Children About the October 7th Attacks

As the third anniversary of the October 7th attacks approaches, parents are grappling with how to answer children's difficult questions about the events. These questions arise from school ceremonies, overheard conversations, or online content, ranging from direct inquiries about massacres to the most challenging, "Can this happen again?" The instinct to protect children by shielding them from harsh realities or making false promises is understandable, but experts advise a different approach. The goal is not to create a danger-free world, which is impossible, but to be a supportive adult capable of navigating complex realities with children.

Guidance on discussing the attacks should be tailored to a child's age. For preschoolers (ages 3-5), initiating conversations about October 7th is unnecessary unless the child has already been exposed to the topic. Overloading young children with information about war and violence can induce fear they cannot process. If they ask, answers should be brief, simple, and accurate. For school-aged children, who are more likely to encounter information through school or peers, complete silence at home can be detrimental. Instead, parents are encouraged to open a dialogue by asking what the child has already heard about the upcoming October 7th commemorations.

When discussing sensitive terms like "massacre" or "terrorists," parents should speak truthfully but in age-appropriate doses. Explaining that a massacre involves intentionally harming defenseless people is sufficient for a child asking for a definition. Similarly, if a child asks if children were killed, honesty is crucial. While the impulse to say "no" to protect them is strong, a lie can erode trust when the truth is eventually revealed. A balanced response acknowledges the pain while reassuring them that protective measures are in place. Parents should avoid showing graphic videos, as these can cause lasting trauma rather than provide understanding. Instead, words, stories, and family discussions are more effective. If a child has seen disturbing content, the priority is to calm them, then help them understand it was a past event.

Parents are also advised not to present themselves as emotionless "iron parents." It is acceptable for children to see their parents express sadness, as this teaches them that difficult emotions are manageable. However, parents should not become so overwhelmed that the child feels responsible for their emotional well-being. If a child repeatedly asks the same fearful question, it often signifies a need for emotional reassurance rather than more information. Physical comfort, deep breaths, or engaging in a calming activity can be more effective than further verbal explanations. Ultimately, parents do not need to be experts to talk to their children; they need to be present, listen, validate fears without overwhelming them, and assure their children they will not face difficult times alone.