Widow's New Book Explores Grief After Hamas Attack
Noya, a 36-year-old computer engineer and mother of three, has penned a new book, 'The Arctic Circle Woman,' detailing her first year of mourning after her husband, Ido, was killed on October 7th. Ido, a lifelong resident of Kibbutz Sufa, was a computer science graduate and a member of the kibbutz's rapid response team. Noya, originally from Shoham, met Ido at Ben-Gurion University, and they fell deeply in love, eventually building a new home in Sufa.
On October 7th, as rockets began to fall, Noya and their eldest son, Guy, were in the safe room while Ido stayed in the living room. After hearing about initial clashes within the kibbutz, Ido decided to join the defense efforts. Noya recounts her internal struggle, questioning why she didn't stop him, but ultimately trusting his abilities as a soldier. Ido was killed around 11:40 AM. Noya learned of his death later that evening when his father, Zohar, a medic, confirmed it with a nod.
Noya describes her grief as a profound loss of an entire world, not just a partner. She struggles with everyday tasks, likening throwing out the trash to parting the Red Sea, as Ido used to handle it. She rejects the label 'lioness' often given to bereaved women, preferring 'hedgehog' to describe her insecurity and anxiety. The book explores her raw emotions, including moments of anger, attempts to navigate dating apps, and the difficulty of finding joy amidst profound loss.
She emphasizes that grief is non-linear and that survivors need practical help and encouragement, not platitudes. Noya also shares her perspective on what not to say to a widow, advising against clichés like 'I share your sorrow' or 'may you know no more sorrow.' Instead, she values simple presence and quiet companionship.
The book, described as a "Bridget Jones of bereavement," offers an honest and often humorous look at her personal tragedy, detailing the challenges of single parenthood and rebuilding a life after unimaginable loss. Noya hopes her book will help others understand the complexities of grief and the resilience required to face each day.
