Dr. Hanna Katan Challenges the Stigma Around Late Marriage in the Haredi World
On the debut episode of the new women’s program "Ketan Alaiha" on the Kikar HaShabbat website, Dr. Hanna Katan hosted relationship coach and "Bikrov" school CEO Haya Maman for an open discussion about late marriage. The conversation focused on the pain felt by unmarried men and women, the pressure inside Haredi families, and the idea that a shift in mindset can change both hope and real-life outcomes.
Katan argued that late singleness is not a flaw, saying, "It is not a defect, it is a divine process." She noted that the Torah does not explicitly address this reality, but said it is now widespread, painful, and crosses sectors. Maman, who has accompanied hundreds of women to the chuppah, linked the personal struggle to a broader national and spiritual sense of lack, including longing for family life, peace in the home, fertility, and the loss of the Temple.
A major part of the discussion addressed the especially difficult reality for unmarried Haredi women, who usually remain living with their parents until marriage. Maman said many simply ask to be seen and treated as equals, and urged families to avoid pity, whispering, or obsessive talk about wedding preparations when a younger sister is engaged before an older one. She also called on younger sisters to ask the older sister’s permission and blessing, while continuing to pray for her.
Katan said she sees a strong parallel between women waiting for marriage and couples waiting for fertility treatments, because both live with painful uncertainty. She said women who marry later often come to the wedding as an improved version of themselves, adding that many later realize what they once wanted was not right for them. Maman summed it up as, "The waiting is a gift," and urged women to release criticism toward their parents, which she said can block abundance. She ended by recommending a practical exercise, writing in detail about a day in their lives two years from now, and said, "Live your life now, do not wait for marriage to be happy. The Holy One, blessed be He, has not forgotten anyone."
