Why staying silent can be costly, and when speaking up matters

For years, people are taught that it is better not to make a fuss, not to confront, and not to be “difficult.” In a new article, organizational psychologist Sunita Sah argues that silence is not always the safe choice, because it can carry a heavy psychological, social, and moral cost. Her view is that quiet, principled resistance can be a way of returning to oneself.

Sah, a professor of management and organizations at Cornell University, defines resistance not as shouting or rebellion, but as acting in line with one’s real values at the moment pressure is applied to do otherwise. She says people usually calculate the immediate cost of speaking up, an awkward conversation, tension, hurt feelings, or seeming rude, while ignoring the cost of silence, including inner exhaustion, built-up anger, damage to self-worth, and acceptance of a reality they know is wrong. She calls this “conscious compliance,” when someone knows they disagree but stays quiet to avoid discomfort.

Her book, Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes, focuses on how people learn to speak when silence feels easier. Sah says repeated self-suppression can spill into relationships, work, family life, and self-esteem. Research on emotional suppression, she notes, found that people who suppress emotional expression report less social support, less closeness to others, and lower social satisfaction.

Sah also urges people to distinguish real danger from mere discomfort. Some situations can bring serious consequences, including firing, retaliation by a manager, legal harm, physical risk, or losing an important relationship, and then people should be strategic, document what happened, consult others, and choose timing carefully. But many moments that feel dangerous are only awkward, such as telling a meeting, “I see it differently,” asking a doctor whether a test is necessary, or telling a friend a request does not suit you. She recommends starting with small acts of resistance, using calm phrases like, “I see it a little differently, can I share my perspective?” or, “I want to help, but I can’t take this on right now.”