Sex Therapist Advises Couples to Schedule Intimacy to Maintain Connection

Maya Ben Shmuel, a 47-year-old clinical social worker and certified sex therapist from Bograshov, explains why couples in long-term relationships often struggle with spontaneous sex. She notes that early in relationships, spontaneous sex is more common, but over time, daily pressures such as work, children, and stress reduce opportunities for intimacy. Couples she counsels frequently report difficulty initiating sex naturally, leading her to recommend scheduling time for intimacy.

Ben Shmuel clarifies that she prefers calling it "scheduling time to be together" rather than "scheduling sex," to avoid pressure. This planned time can include conversation, hugging, or shared activities, creating closeness without forcing sexual activity. She challenges the myth that sexuality must be spontaneous, emphasizing that planning intimacy does not diminish desire and can even enhance it by allowing partners to prepare mentally and physically.

She advises that all couples can benefit from this approach, especially those living together who may mistakenly assume there will always be time later. Scheduling intimacy signals commitment to the relationship amid busy modern lives. To prevent intimacy from feeling like a chore, she recommends avoiding performance expectations and focusing on connection. The frequency of these meetings depends on each couple’s lifestyle, with weekly sessions suggested for busy parents.

If scheduled intimacy is repeatedly missed, Ben Shmuel suggests discussing underlying issues such as fear of intimacy or disappointment. She encourages couples to communicate openly and seek professional help if sexual connection fades. Her overall message is that intentional time for closeness is essential to sustaining desire and emotional bonds in long-term relationships.