Singles Seek Belonging During Holidays, Not Just Matches

As the Jewish holidays approach, single individuals often find their sense of belonging diminished within family gatherings, according to Avinoam Hersh. He highlights the experience of Amalia, a single woman in her thirties, who wrote about feeling relegated to lesser accommodations and responsibilities during holiday visits, while her married younger brother and his wife receive the best room and are excused from chores.

Hersh emphasizes that this marginalization of singles is often unintentional, stemming from subtle assumptions that single people have more time, less need for privacy, or are less tired than their coupled counterparts. He argues that being single is not a family role or a reason to be perpetually available for household tasks or childcare.

While acknowledging the significant efforts within the religious-national community to help singles find partners through initiatives, groups, and matchmaking, Hersh contends that the focus on solving the 'problem of singles' can overshadow the need to see them as individuals. He stresses that singles are people who have experienced setbacks but continue to hope for partnership, and they deserve to feel secure and valued during holidays.

The article urges a shift in perspective, suggesting that instead of solely focusing on finding partners for singles, the question should be how to make them feel they have a place and are valued as they are. This includes ensuring they have adequate rest, privacy, and are not subjected to intrusive personal questions in front of others. Hersh concludes that during the holidays, it's crucial to open not just the door but also a space for singles at the table and in the heart, recognizing their inherent worth beyond their marital status.