Israeli Educator Urges Better Premarital Preparation for Young Couples
Translated & summarized from Behadrei Haredim by baba
Israeli educator Shneor calls for improved premarital education for young couples, emphasizing emotional, practical, and financial preparation to reduce rising divorce rates. He urges parents to supplement inadequate school programs with guidance on marriage challenges and budgeting before weddings.
The story in 6 lines · by baba
- Premarital education for boys and girls in religious communities is insufficient and outdated.
- Separate education systems fail to prepare youth for shared married life, increasing divorce rates.
- Young couples often lack understanding of gender roles, addictions, and emotional challenges before marriage.
- Financial literacy is rarely taught, leaving couples unprepared for real household expenses.
- Parents should actively provide premarital guidance to compensate for educational gaps.
- Joint counseling before matchmaking can help couples build a stronger foundation.
Shneor, an Israeli educator and parent coach, highlights a significant gap in preparing young adults for married life, particularly within religious communities. He notes that while some frameworks exist for girls, such as "The Jewish Home" classes, these are often taught by instructors disconnected from the students' realities. For boys, preparation is even more limited, with many still believing that discussing marriage might provoke inappropriate desires. This outdated view neglects the proven benefits of respectful, professional premarital education.
Shneor observes that the separate education systems for boys and girls increasingly fail to equip graduates for shared life, leading to a rise in divorces and broken engagements. He recalls his own experience with a boarding school mother who provided basic marital guidance, a practice now fading. Instead, many young people turn to the internet or peers for understanding complex issues like gender roles and family building, often without adequate context.
He stresses the importance of deep premarital preparation, including recognizing personal strengths, challenges, and addictions that some youths bring into marriage. Shneor suggests initiating these conversations before matchmaking and even recommends joint sessions with marriage counselors to build a shared foundation.
Financial literacy is another critical area often overlooked. Sharing a personal anecdote, Shneor recounts advice from an older father about the high costs of raising children, which helped him later manage his own household budget. Many young couples enter marriage unaware of real expenses and financial planning, leading to frustration.
Ultimately, Shneor calls on parents to take responsibility for supplementing the education system's shortcomings by providing their children with essential life skills before marriage. He frames this as one of the most valuable gifts parents can offer their children as they start families.
The article was published in the "Achvata" newsletter distributed across Israel, with contact details provided for receiving the newsletter digitally or for synagogue distribution.
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