'I don't want any more children to go through what I went through': the girls fighting bullying from inside schools

Interview for the studio with Noa Hershko and Hila Yeger. Violence in schools, bullying and exclusion on social media, and nights out that end in hospital: the wave of violence among children and teenagers continues to intensify, and educators are speaking about a troubling reality that is seeping into elementary school ages as well. But there is also a kind of violence that leaves no bruises, one that happens in WhatsApp groups, in stories, in whispers in the hallway. Noa Hershko knows it well. "When I was in ninth grade, I experienced bullying and shaming, something shocking in itself," she recalls. "People who talk to you in everyday life are whispering about you behind your back and posting nasty things about you. There is no more painful feeling than that as a child, and I suppose even at older ages." 4 View gallery Noa Hershko. "I am not willing for any more children to go through what I went through" (Photo: courtesy of LEAD) What Hershko experienced was not bullying through shouting or a clear-cut exclusion, but looks, raised eyebrows, and jokes that circulated in closed groups among classmates. A persistent feeling of hurt, but an invisible one. Outwardly, she convinced herself it was just a joke, that people actually liked her. But inside, she felt lonely, exposed, and transparent. For several good years she kept the pain in her stomach. "This year, when I reached 12th grade, I decided I was tired of staying silent and that it was time to speak about this silenced violence, which so many children and teenagers experience, and of course also try to find a solution. I understood that I am not willing for any more children to go through what I went through. That was the moment I decided to turn my wound into something that heals." Noa Hershko: "The model puts the children in the shoes of the perpetrator, the victim, and the bystander. I do not dictate anything to the children. My goal is that when they find themselves in one of these positions, they will know how they would want to act" The opportunity came through the LEAD association, the path to leadership development, where Noa serves as an ambassador and is already in her second year. As part of the program, she was asked to choose a topic close to her heart and lead a social initiative, and she did not hesitate. That is how the "Heroes" project was born, a series of workshops for schools that allows children to experience from the inside what usually remains outside, how it feels to be the one who is hurt, how it feels to be the one who hurts, and how it feels to be the one who watches from the sidelines and does not intervene. "The education system tries to deal with violence mainly through one-off lectures that go in one ear and out the other," she explains what drove her to initiate the unique move she led. "The main problem, in my view, is that these solutions are devised by adults, who find it hard to get into the heads of children and teenagers, and that is also why their solutions are not adapted and do not stop the violence. "From there I understood that דווקא I, who experienced violence and shaming firsthand and know very well how it feels, could develop a model that might help." How does it work? "The model puts the children in the shoes of each of the figures in the bullying circle, the aggressor, the victim, and the bystander. Once the children are exposed to each of these positions, they choose for themselves how they want to behave. I do not dictate anything to them. My goal is that when they find themselves in one of these positions, they will know how they would want to act." The workshop runs over three weeks, during which the children move between perspectives through role-playing, drawing, discussion circles, and assignments between meetings. "Many children do not understand that their words have weight," Noa says. "So I did not explain, I made them feel it." 4 View gallery "Putting the children in the shoes of each of the characters in the bullying circle." Hershko leading a workshop for elementary school students (Photo: courtesy of LEAD) The decision that teenagers would be the ones to lead the workshops was intended to enable dialogue at eye level, without judgment and without unnecessary speeches. And when the meetings end, the same simple insight keeps returning from the children, who declare: "We learned how to be better friends." This approach is also proving itself on the ground. "The project is active in several arenas and with several school groups, and over time more schools asked for the model so they could work with it themselves," Noa says. "I see the difference in working with the children before they went through the workshop, and after they went through it. In my opinion, the more schools adopt this method of work, the better the chance we have of eradicating the phenomenon." Catching violence before it erupts If Noa enters the arena after the harm has already happened, Hila Yeger, 16, also a LEAD ambassador, chose to attack the problem from the opposite direction, long before violence even raises its head, and at the earliest possible age. Therefore, "Growing Together", the initiative she founded, is aimed specifically at first-grade children. "My project is a kind of preventive treatment for violence among children and teenagers that is happening right now across the country and only continues to grow," she says. "The understanding is that once we give children a safe place and a foundation of proper communication and coping with difficulties, they will be able to grow into a generation that deals better with violence." 4 View gallery Hila Yeger. Preventive treatment for violence (Photo: courtesy of LEAD) And what does it look like in practice? "These are experiential meetings for developing emotional and social skills. The idea is first and foremost to develop the inner self and each child's personal coping, and from there influence the environment." At the end of April, the first pilot got underway among first-grade students at an elementary school in Pardes Hanna. The program includes six weekly meetings based on the CASEL approach to developing emotional-social skills, in which the children receive an emotional toolkit, identifying and naming feelings, developing empathy, choosing a conscious response, ways of coping in difficult situations, and strengthening a sense of competence and belonging. The starting point is simple, children who have nowhere to express emotions may express them through anger, withdrawal, or violence, so alongside preventing exclusion and aggression in the future, the program also gives children an emotional response in the here and now. Hila Yeger: "When children have no safe place to express themselves, the frustration, rage, and anxiety come out elsewhere, for example in physical or verbal violence, or, on the other hand, in withdrawal, which many also experience" Both initiatives, as mentioned, were born within LEAD, which has been operating for more than 25 years to nurture the next generation of leaders in Israeli society. The organization identifies teenagers from across the country with leadership potential each year and accompanies them through a personal process of empowerment and action, in the framework of which they lead social initiatives. "The goal is to develop us into the next leaders of Israel, through building projects and gaining experience in the world of adults," Noa says. "To go out into the world, as they say, already at age 16." And still, the big question hovering over both projects is one that concerns all of us: how did we get to a situation in which violence among children and teenagers is only increasing? "It is a combination of everything we have experienced in recent years, from the lockdowns during COVID to October 7 and the war that has still not ended," Hila says. "Each of these events has a huge impact on the psyche of children and teenagers, and also on the educational staff and parents. "When children have no safe place to express themselves, the frustration, rage, and anxiety come out elsewhere, for example in physical or verbal violence, or, on the other hand, in withdrawal, which many also experience." 4 View gallery "Children who have nowhere to express emotions may express them through anger, withdrawal, or violence." Hila Yeger with first-grade children as part of the project she founded (Photo: courtesy of LEAD) Noa points to another factor, which for her is the most significant of all, social media. "It has become very easy to publish hurtful things about others on social networks. Today even every first-grade child has Instagram and TikTok, and the ability to type their opinion about a friend they just argued with or a teacher who annoyed them has become simpler than ever. "And precisely because of progress and technology, adults, parents and education officials, are not really able to control the frequency with which these things happen, and unfortunately, they also cannot prevent them." And what is your dream? Noa: "That the model will be adopted and we will succeed in preventing other children from experiencing violence, bullying, exclusion, and everything that goes with it." Hila adds: "I think that once we introduce into all schools the emotional and social education models we built, which teach children and teenagers to look at the environment and see the other person, we will succeed in raising a better generation here."