Tired of Dating Apps, Secular Israelis Are Returning to Matchmakers
In collaboration with Yafora
Until a little more than a decade ago, stories of how couples met could start almost anywhere, in school, at work, through mutual friends, or in a random encounter at a pub. For many years now, though, many of them begin with a swipe to the right and a short exchange on WhatsApp. Dating apps have become an inseparable part of single life, but many feel the path to a relationship is only getting longer.
Ahead of the Tapuzina Singles Run, the singles race of Tel Aviv-Jaffa set to take place in September, we looked into what the dating scene of 2026 looks like and why a method that not long ago seemed to belong to the religious world is gradually returning to the lives of secular Israelis. » All the details about the race » To register
“Matchmaking office” may sound archaic, but this is the new old way for secular young people to meet the love of their lives. And in an era when artificial intelligence is beginning to change the dating world too, more and more singles are דווקא preferring human mediation. That is according to Sivan Kanti Avitan, a matchmaker and Ynet relationships writer, who has been pairing couples for eight years and believes this is the best way to meet today, even for the secular public. “The world of matchmaking is ancient. I am in favor of restoring the old glory,” she explains. “Because of the negative consequences of apps and the world of networks and screens, matchmaking has a bright future that is only gaining momentum. If matchmaking once existed only in the religious world, today the matchmaking service addresses all sectors.”
4 Gallery view Sivan Kanti Avitan. “Matchmaking has a bright future that is only gaining momentum” (Photo: Nir Kedar)
How do you explain the change?
“There is growing curiosity. There is a desire to try another way. Many singles simply prefer to let someone else do the ‘dirty work.’ We live in a fast world with no delayed gratification and no time for pointless ‘hi and bye’ messages on apps. A matchmaker saves all that hassle.”
How do you think artificial intelligence will fit into this?
“There is a concern that because of screens, the epidemic of loneliness will spread even further. People will turn to the fastest solution, artificial intelligence, so it can create them a virtual partner that can be shaped like Play-Doh. That does not seem imaginary to me at all, unfortunately, but rather just around the corner.”
Matchmaker Gali Shani Calderon, who has been in the profession for 10 years, also warns about the danger of AI. “I have been urging this since the coronavirus period, and now it is only getting worse,” she emphasizes. “Anyone who does not meet a partner in the next year or two, especially ages 25 to 40, will find themselves in an even more complicated jungle. AI is entering apps with artificial characters. In Japan this is already happening, the rate of single women there is the highest in the world, and many men are having ‘relationships’ with AI characters. It will arrive here within two or three years. Already today, you can create characters that look and speak like real humans. In addition, people edit photos with AI until they are impossible to identify.”
Calderon Shani says that even now, the situation on the apps is not good. “Men are not managing to get to a date from the apps,” she explains. “It does not even reach the date stage. They chat, move to WhatsApp, and then nothing. Sometimes they set a date, and then on the day itself they do not speak.”
4 Gallery view Gali Shani Calderon. “Men are not managing to get to a date from the apps” (Photo: Nir Amos)
One of the problems, she says, is that attraction is not what people think it is. “You cannot be attracted to a picture the way they made us think,” she says. “Real attraction, the kind that lasts for years, does not come from a picture. A picture simply does not tell the whole story. Real attraction happens in much deeper and more genuine places, smell, body language, behavior during the date. Those are the real places.”
“A profession that chooses you”
How did the matchmakers get into this unique profession? Avitan explains that “it is not a profession you choose, but one that chooses you.” She says she feels tremendous responsibility. “People come to me as a last resort. They place a lot of hope in me. They hope I will ‘save’ them from singlehood, loneliness and being alone, and think I am the one doing the work. They do not understand that in fact, they first need to go through an internal search process. So the main work is actually theirs.”
What is your main challenge as a matchmaker?
“To open singles’ eyes and make them meet themselves again. Most of them come very rigid in their worldview and limiting beliefs. They are sure the problem is only on the other side. In the matchmaking process, they are forced to take responsibility for their love lives. They need to break harmful patterns, understand that what they wanted and looked for until now is not right for them. In addition, one of the main obstacles is lack of self-awareness. There are those who look for perfection and do not realize that they themselves do not meet half the standards they set for their chosen partner.”
Is it hard to show people their limitations?
“It is not simple. But it is important to hold up a mirror to the person and ground them. You have to do it sensitively, gently. Allow an adaptive space within the existing reality. It is hard for people to understand that there is a need to compromise because they come from a place of, ‘If I have not compromised until now, then surely I will not compromise now.’ That is a mistake. Time passes, and with it, attractiveness.”
“The plumber of the heart”
Despite the stigma around turning to a matchmaker as a kind of “last resort,” matchmaker Chen Halfon, 40, from Yavne, דווקא sees it as an exclusive feature, not a bug. “In my eyes, this is actually a privilege, something that is supposed to be very prestigious. Like a lawyer, an accountant, you have someone working for you and actively looking for a match. Just as you would not try to fix a blockage yourself and call a plumber, the same goes for matchmaking.”
4 Gallery view Chen Halfon. “I can tell in advance who is living in a fantasy, who thinks he is some kind of idol and nothing is good enough for him” (Courtesy of the interviewee)
What kind of people come to you?
“A wide range. A CEO and owner of an investment company, an accountant, a real estate guy, lawyers. There is also a billionaire who simply does not have time to deal with it. On the other hand, there are people who work on a forklift, a supermarket employee, a saleswoman in a clothing store. A man who works on a forklift is not a poor soul either. He works, he provides for himself. He does not have a degree, but he is a great man. For many of the women, it does not matter what the man does for work, as long as he is a good person.”
At what age does it become complicated to find a match?
“For men, after 45 it is hard. Women over 40 who still want children, that is very difficult, because men rule them out. You can be a model, but a man sees a 43-year-old woman as someone who will not give him the number of children he wants, and that does not work. Men choose women by age.”
Do people come to you and set a lot of conditions?
“I do not take them. Even if they say, ‘Take the money, it is all good,’ no. I do not have patience for that. I can tell in advance who is living in a fantasy, who thinks he is some kind of idol and nothing is good enough for him. I tell the truth, I will not find you a match.”
“Am I going to a matchmaker? I am not religious”
When Sagi Cohen, 31, from Rehovot, started talking to Ilana Diana Avdeev, he had no idea he had met his future wife. Cohen met Avdeev at a singles event. “We started talking, and the moment both of us opened our mouths, there was a click. At our second meeting, we talked about food, about restaurants. I told her I work in the chocolate industry. At the next meeting I brought her pralines I had made. From there it became one big love story. Today we have been together for a year and a half, and Diana works with me in the business. We do almost everything together. In November we are getting married.”
Cohen got to the event thanks to his matchmaker, Shani Calderon, who creates meetings that give people a chance to meet in a non-threatening environment. “I was very lacking in confidence with girls, I did not know how to talk, how to act,” Cohen shares. “I am shy with people in general, and with girls even more so.”
4 Gallery view Ilana Diana Avdeev and Sagi Cohen. “I was very lacking in confidence with girls, I did not know how to talk” (Courtesy of the interviewees)
Was it hard for you to make that move?
“I was single for 10 to 15 years since my last relationship. I heard a lot of recommendations, mainly from my mother, to try something else, something new. I had resistance. I told myself, ‘What, am I going to a matchmaker? I am not religious, that is not really me.’ In the end I decided to try. I started a process with Gali. We worked one on one, on Zoom, on the phone. A process of understanding who I am, what I am looking for in a partner, where the difficulty is, in me? In the environment? How to manage it and how to deal with it. Gali also referred me to a numerologist. With her I started another process, to understand where I am heading in the wrong direction, what needs improvement, and what I need to pay more attention to.”
What is important when going to a matchmaker?
“To come with a very open mind and be aware. It is important to be aware of the patterns I had until now, on ‘autopilot.’ I came to the meetings after we had gone through a process, and I felt I was ready to take this step. We are all stressed in this situation. It takes you out of your comfort zone, but it is worth it. I do not see any reason why it should not work. Come and be yourself. It does not matter what you think about how you look, or if it is strange, embarrassing or stressful. We have all been there, with a pulse of 200, and it is still the most worthwhile thing in the world.”
» All the details about the race » To register
In collaboration with Yafora
First published: 07:00, 10.06.26
