Rabbi Asher Perkash Explains How to Support Children Struggling With 'I Can't' Moments

Rabbi Asher Perkash, a prominent educator, addresses a common parental dilemma: how to respond when a child says "I can't" or behaves poorly. Should parents sympathize and offer comfort, or insist on effort and change? This question touches on a deeper issue about human nature and education: whether people are inherently good and need guidance, or born with negative tendencies requiring correction.

Drawing on teachings from the Tanya, a foundational Hasidic text, Perkash explains that every Jewish person has two souls. The animal soul pulls toward selfishness and desires, while the divine soul seeks to reveal the soul and connect to God. Thus, bad behavior does not make a child "bad" but reflects an internal spiritual battle.

Importantly, the child is not powerless in this struggle. The soul is inherently above the negative impulses, and every child possesses deep, strong inner resources. Excessive pity can inadvertently make a child feel weak and incapable. The challenge is to believe in the child's goodness and potential without ignoring behaviors that need correction, setting expectations that encourage growth without breaking the child.

Perkash’s guidance offers parents a nuanced approach to education rooted in Hasidic philosophy, emphasizing faith in the child's inner strength alongside firm but compassionate discipline.