How Children Learn Fear From Their Parents’ Reactions Without Words

Children absorb their parents’ fears not just from what is said but from nonverbal cues such as facial expressions and body language. A 1985 study in Developmental Psychology showed that one-year-old infants use their mothers’ emotional expressions to decide how to act in uncertain situations, approaching when mothers show interest and withdrawing when they show fear or anger. A 2023 review in Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review found that observing parental fear responses to new stimuli increases fear and avoidance behaviors in infants.

When parents say "there is nothing to fear" but their tone, facial expressions, or body language suggest otherwise, children receive conflicting signals that can confuse them about how to respond. Experts emphasize that children will inevitably see their parents experience fear; the crucial lesson is how parents handle that fear. For example, a parent who is afraid of flying but still boards the plane, or one who feels anxious about a medical test but breathes deeply and proceeds, teaches children that fear can coexist with action.

The article offers practical advice for parents: openly naming their feelings (e.g., "I’m a bit scared now") rather than denying them, demonstrating coping strategies (such as pausing to breathe or assessing the situation), and avoiding consistent avoidance behaviors that might teach children to evade challenges. Parents do not need to be fearless but should model emotional regulation and thoughtful responses to fear.

Such experiences help children develop resilience and a sense of competence, enabling them to face new and uncertain situations while managing fear effectively. The author, Edna Arbel, an integrative psychotherapist and head of the integrative unit at Integrative Medical Care Rehabilitation Hospital, highlights that teaching children to live with fear without being controlled by it is one of the most valuable lessons parents can impart.