Clinical psychologist Dr. Sarit Tegansky argues that many parents today struggle to set limits because of two forces, the unstable reality around them and the emotional baggage they carry from childhood. She says the post-COVID period, ongoing war, air raid sirens and constant uncertainty have made home life fragile, prompting parents to try to spare children any frustration.
That impulse, she writes, can become self-defeating when parents who grew up with emotional deprivation, harsh homes or a lack of protection promise themselves their child will not suffer as they did. In trying to be a “friend” who only comforts and gives, they erase their own needs and the role of the adult in charge. The result, according to Tegansky, is not freedom but anxiety, because without a strong, stable grown-up, the child is left exposed and may later struggle with regulation, frustration tolerance and delayed gratification.
She says this is especially important for children with special needs, some of whom rebel and others who desperately want to obey but cannot meet expectations. In those families, one parent may insist while the other gives in, or parents may become overprotective because of the child’s difficulties. Tegansky says the family’s role is crucial even when the underlying challenge is neurological, not a parenting failure.
She recommends practical steps to rebuild parental authority, starting with a fixed daily routine and a clear structure. Parents should begin with one task, adapt it to the child’s abilities, use a visual daily or weekly chart, keep instructions short and consistent, avoid empty threats, agree on a united approach between partners, and praise good behavior. In her view, a parent who sets limits is not less loving but more protective, creating a home that gives children security and resilience.
