Israeli Psychologist Offers Practical Tools to Protect Couples Amid National Stress
Israel has faced unprecedented psychological challenges in recent years, from the COVID-19 pandemic and deep social divisions to the October 7 war. This sustained national pressure inevitably seeps into homes, straining couples' relationships. Dr. Maayan Boiman-Mashita, a psychologist and couples therapist, discussed this phenomenon in a new episode of the Re:Israel podcast by Reichman University and Calcalist, offering practical advice to maintain healthy partnerships.
Dr. Boiman-Mashita revealed her personal struggle with severe attention deficit disorder, which she views as a unique strength shaping her life and work. She explained how external stressors activate the brain's limbic system, triggering anxiety and defensive reactions that often get misdirected toward partners and children. This "displacement" leads to mutual escalation in conflicts, worsened by a common attribution error where individuals blame their partner's character for negative behavior while excusing their own due to circumstances.
Neurologically, high stress suppresses the brain's prefrontal cortex, reducing self-control and empathy, causing people to say hurtful things they later regret. To counter this, Dr. Boiman-Mashita and Dr. Yossi Merhavi, dean of the Adelson School of Entrepreneurship, proposed immediate, actionable strategies couples can adopt. These include a self-monitoring protocol to pause and assess stress levels, a "stop rule" to halt conversations when stress exceeds a 7 out of 10, and engaging in calming activities before resuming dialogue.
They also emphasized the "relationship bank account" model by researcher John Gottman, where positive interactions must outnumber negative ones by at least five to one to sustain a stable bond. Dr. Boiman-Mashita expressed hope rooted in Israel's historical resilience, citing recovery from the Holocaust and recent communal solidarity after October 7 as evidence of the nation's cultural and human strength. She concluded that warm interpersonal connections remain a key factor in Israel's high ranking on the global happiness index, even during wartime.
