Mimi, a 22-year-old seminary student, says she was pushed for nearly two years to start dating, first by her parents and then by relatives and friends, even though she felt it was too early. Her mother told her after one event, “Dad and I thought a lot about it, and in our opinion, you are ready,” and later her teacher also encouraged her to begin “when she is fresh.” Mimi was working toward a career in emotional therapy and also had a job as a kindergarten assistant, and she kept postponing the process despite the pressure.
Eventually, mainly to ease her parents, she agreed to meet a match. She arrived at a hotel feeling miserable and intent on ending the date quickly. The man, Moti, was one year older, studied at a respected yeshiva, and began by describing the schools attended by his many brothers. Mimi thought he seemed gentle and good-hearted, but she still planned to turn him down.
About an hour into the meeting, Moti noticed that she was barely speaking and asked if she was okay. Mimi admitted the truth, worried he would think badly of her, but he surprised her by saying he was there for the same reason. He said he was not ready for marriage and children either, but his family and friends had pressured him into coming. He explained that this was only his second date since entering the shidduch process.
The two laughed at how absurd the situation was, and what they called the “shadchan obsession.” They talked for three hours, ran out of time, and rushed home, both worried about their parents. In the end, each said they wanted to continue. After the engagement celebrations, speeches, dancing, and champagne, they went for a short walk and joked that their parents had won. Moti replied, “I think there was a victory for all sides.”
