Psychiatrist Explains How Attachment Styles Shape Relationship Success and Change Over Time
Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and clinical professor at Columbia University, offers insight into why some couples thrive while others repeatedly face conflict and separation. Drawing on decades of psychological research and his own personal experiences, Levine highlights the importance of attachment theory, which posits that the way individuals form close bonds influences their relationships throughout life. However, he cautions against oversimplifying attachment styles as fixed traits, emphasizing that these patterns can shift depending on the people involved and life experiences.
Levine identifies four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Secure individuals balance closeness and independence, anxious types seek excessive closeness and fear rejection, avoidant people maintain emotional distance, and disorganized individuals fluctuate between craving and rejecting intimacy. Yet, most people do not fit neatly into one category and may exhibit different styles across relationships. Levine developed questionnaires to map these variations, noting his own differing attachment patterns with his partner, sister, dog, and friends.
Recent research complicates the traditional view that childhood parental relationships solely determine adult attachment. A 2025 longitudinal study of 705 participants published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that childhood friendships also significantly influence adult romantic and social bonds. Adult experiences, including secure partnerships or traumas like betrayal or abuse, continue to shape attachment dynamics.
Levine stresses that a successful relationship does not require both partners to have secure attachment; one consistently reliable and responsive partner can foster security in the other. However, this does not fix unhealthy relationships. He also highlights that the brain responds not only to major events but to countless small daily interactions that build or undermine feelings of belonging and security.
Optimistically, attachment styles are not immutable. Levine’s CARRP model (Consistency, Availability, Responsiveness, Reliability, Predictability) outlines behaviors that promote secure bonds. Neuroscience supports this flexibility, showing that repeated experiences of trust and stability can reshape emotional regulation and fear responses even in adulthood. Ultimately, Levine’s message is that attachment style is not destiny, and nurturing safe, consistent, and emotionally present relationships can transform how we experience love and security throughout life.
