After Nine Years with a Man, I Came Out with the Help of a Song

The story of Shir Musan, 33, a photographer and video editor, singer, pianist and musical arranger, who is in a relationship and lives in Givatayim: I had a partner for nine years and loved him very much. Over the years, questions about my sexual identity came up, but it was hard for me to admit it to myself. Once I casually told him, in passing, that I am also attracted to women. He did not think it was serious. Over a long process, I understood that I really am attracted to women, but I was afraid to lose what I had. Then I gathered my courage and told him I was trying to understand my sexual orientation. He reacted in the most mature and accepting way I could imagine, and we broke up. I understood what real love is, wanting the best for the other side even when your heart is breaking. Shir Musan tells the story of coming out

I grew up in Ramat Gan and at age six I started playing the piano. Music was always my safe place, where I could process my emotions. I studied at Ohel Shem High School and in the army I was a C.P.T. at the Shbata base, where I met the man who became my partner. The first time we kissed was my first kiss from the heart and not from a place of, “why is it not working for me,” as it had been before in high school. When I was 20, my father died and the separation was hard. After the army I studied for a bachelor’s degree in interactive communications. Just then the musical Les Misérables opened. I wanted to see it again and again, but I ran out of money, so I started working as an usher at the Habima Theater. In my free time I recorded and filmed covers of well-known songs and uploaded them to social media. One day the shift supervisor at the theater asked me to make a team-building video for the ushers. I reworked one of the songs from Les Misérables, filmed a video starring the ushers, and that is how I became a photographer and video editor at the theater.

After I told my partner that I was attracted to women, I told my best friend, and he stopped in the middle of a crosswalk and hugged me. It took me a long time to tell my mother, and she had to process it. Today she is very accepting. My twin sister was surprised. I packed my things from our shared apartment, moved to my mother’s place, and from there to a shared apartment.

“When I was riding a scooter to work, Niv Knaan’s ‘Shir LeNeta’ kept playing in my head, a song from a man to a woman. I tried singing it as a song from a woman to a woman, and it worked.” I got in touch with someone I had studied with and knew was lesbian. I thought maybe through her I could meet others. At the end of the meeting I asked her permission to kiss her, just one kiss, and she agreed. It was pleasant and helped me understand that I was on the right path, I felt reborn. I signed up for a dating app and put up a landscape photo, because I was still in the closet. Later I met my partner and we moved in together. One day, while I was riding a scooter to work, Niv Knaan’s ‘Shir LeNeta’ kept playing in my head, a song from a man to a woman. I tried singing it as a song from a woman to a woman. I saw that if I changed one letter here and one syllable there, it worked. I started thinking that maybe I would use a cover of this song to come out, until then only people close to me knew about it. I told myself I would record the song and wait before pressing “publish.” I recorded the song with my friend Alon Aziziy, with him playing double bass. I played piano and sang in several voices. At the end of the song I sang “ohavet” instead of “ohav.” Then, one morning, I pressed “publish” on TikTok, Facebook and Instagram. Not everyone understood that this cover was a coming-out song, but every reaction from those who did understand gave me energy, and I found myself crying because of the moving responses. Seeing people accept you as you are was powerful. Coming out can be a little more possible if you do it creatively. Music allowed me to express something that was not always easy for me to say.

Bottom line: “It is scary to be honest with ourselves, but it is no less scary to hide ourselves. If someone reads the article and feels they can be a little braver with themselves, it will have been worth the exposure for me.”