Education Means Instilling Values for the Long Term
Our highest goal as parents is not that the child obeys us now out of fear or in expectation of a reward, but that he chooses the right path as an adult. When we understand that education is a long journey and not a magic solution for the moment, all the pressure and daily chase after children’s behavior simply disappear from life.
"The moment we let go of the need for total control over the final outcome, we will be able to give the child the freedom he needs in order to truly flourish." This is the first episode in the series "Talking About Education" with Rabbi Asaf Ratzon and Rabbi Moshe Rabbi. Watch/listen.
Education or training? This podcast will clear things up in your head the next time you catch yourself bending down to your child in synagogue and whispering through clenched teeth, "Open the siddur already." Keep in mind that you are not educating him at all. So how and when do you educate?
In the new series "Talking About Education" with Rabbi Moshe Rabbi, we decided to delve into the foundations of the Jewish home, and we chose to begin with education. So, what is education at all? To answer that, it is worth going back to the sources. Rashi explains that the word "education" means beginning or habit, just like "the dedication of the altar." And like any beginning, for example, learning to play the piano or organ, the first steps are always difficult, creaky, and full of mistakes. This insight alone can relieve a lot of pressure at home.
Your child is not a finished product, he is only at the starting point, and it is completely natural for him to have ups, downs, and setbacks. But the truly fascinating distinction that emerges in the conversation is the enormous difference between "education" and what most of us do in daily life, "activation" (as Rabbi Yaakovzon defines it well). When we promise a child a reward if he prays, or threaten punishment if he does not tidy his room, we are not really educating him. We are simply getting him to do what we want at that given moment.
Such activation may work in the short term, but it also wears down the child’s ego, and worst of all, it lasts only as long as we are around. True education, by contrast, is about infusing content and meaning into the act, usually in a calm moment and not from a place of friction. The goal is to bring him to a state where he will choose to do the right thing even at age 20, when he is already able to shake off our authority.
We do not have to manage every second of our children’s lives, certainly not act like a strict principal waiting outside the classroom to catch students in the act. It is enough that we remember this is a long journey that requires patience, let them mature through their own mistakes instead of lashing out with criticism that only shuts them down, and above all, trust them. After all, they know us better than anyone in the world, and they know exactly what truth we truly value. That is what education really looks like. Watch/listen to the full conversation.
