Psychologist Reveals Childhood Trauma Behind Violent Outburst at Son's Birthday

A renowned Jewish psychologist and therapist, born in Hungary during World War II, shared a deeply personal story illustrating how childhood trauma can influence behavior decades later. As an infant, he was secretly given to non-Jewish neighbors to save him from Nazi deportation to Auschwitz. Although he survived and grew up to be a successful family man and professional in British Columbia, Canada, the emotional wound from his early abandonment remained unresolved.

The trauma resurfaced during a birthday party when his three-year-old son refused to sing "Happy Birthday" to him. The psychologist's initial disappointment escalated into extreme anger, leading him to lose control and slap his son in front of shocked guests. The boy’s innocent refusal triggered a flood of suppressed feelings from the psychologist’s infancy, when he felt unwanted and unloved after being separated from his mother.

Over the following decades, the psychologist reflected on this incident and realized that in that moment, he was not the mature father but the frightened infant reliving abandonment. This case highlights how subconscious wounds can drive intense emotional reactions without conscious awareness.

In a related lesson, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Jacobson draws parallels to biblical leadership, contrasting Moses’ ability to separate personal feelings from divine command with human tendencies to let subconscious motives influence actions. The rabbi’s teaching encourages self-awareness and caution in moments of anger and conflict, emphasizing the need to recognize hidden emotional drivers.

This story and lesson were presented in Rabbi Jacobson’s insightful lecture on the Torah portion Matot, offering a profound exploration of personal trauma, subconscious influence, and spiritual leadership.