We’re Not Believed When We Say We’re a Couple. People Think We’re Sisters
“I married my best friend. When we get ready for a date, we both wear skirts and do each other’s makeup, it’s the most fun thing in the world,” says Israeli Premier League volleyball player Liza (Elizabet) Rothman, 29, describing her relationship with Avital Rothman, 35. “Sometimes people don’t believe we’re a couple. They ask if we’re sisters, even though we don’t look alike at all, in my opinion, but the chemistry is so obvious that that’s the only thing they can think of.” They have been together for four years and were married a year ago. “We celebrated our first wedding anniversary last month, on 5/5,” Avital explains, adding, “Elizabet and Avital are our names at the Interior Ministry, that’s the official name, but everyone calls us Liza and Avi.”
Okay, Liza and Avi. How and where did you meet?
Liza: “Each of us has a slightly different version. I knew who Avi was before we met, she didn’t know who I was, and I knew she had broken up with someone and was single. Then she followed me on Instagram, which was very suspicious, so I sent her a message. In my view, the fact that she followed me means she made the first move, but she says it was an innocent follow. I don’t know, I don’t believe her.”
Avi: “Wait, there’s a six-year age difference between Liza and me. In my generation there’s no such thing as, ‘He followed me, so he made the first move.’ Instagram suggests people to me, so I follow. Straight or LGBTQ, it doesn’t matter to me. I had just become single again and wanted to expand my social circle.”
Liza: “So we started texting, and we met that very evening, how very lesbian of us. We set up a meeting at a bar in Florentin and sat there until they closed. After four months we already decided to move in together. Each of us came with a dog from our previous marriages.”
Avi: “I realized the time had come, took out a ring, got down on one knee and proposed to her. She was very, very excited, quickly said ‘yes,’ started crying from excitement, and then she took out a ring too. I thought I was surprising her and she surprised me! We had a double proposal!”
When did you decide to get married? Was there a proposal?
Avi: “Two months after I met Liza, we once rode together on a scooter, and I saw her glancing toward a bridal gown storefront. I understood that she had some dream in her head of wanting someone to propose to her, because she’s a princess like that. It took me a year to understand that I needed to step into the shoes of the one who proposes, because that’s very important to her.
“For my birthday two years ago, Liza booked us a trip to Berlin, so I planned a surprise. I got a ring and everything else I needed ready. Before the flight, without her knowing, I went to her parents’ home and asked her father for her hand, because she once told me he needed to give his approval first.
“We were in Berlin for three days, celebrating, parties and fun, and then we went out into nature for four days. When we were in a beautiful place, an unbelievably stunning place, I realized the time had come, took out the ring, got down on one knee and proposed to her. She was very, very excited, quickly said ‘yes,’ started crying a little from excitement, and then she took out a ring too. I thought I was surprising her and she surprised me! We had a double proposal! We both, without coordinating, chose the same place and the same time to do it. It was super emotional.”
How and where did you get married?
Avi: “We had an amazing wedding at the Grey club in Rishon Lezion. We’re two Ashkenazi women with small families, so it was a relatively small wedding, 250 people, but 80 percent of them were young, which was really fun and the wedding went on until about 3 or 4 in the morning.”
Liza: “I was the one who handled more of the organization and production of the wedding. I remember that with every vendor we spoke to, there was that moment when I say it’s a wedding of two women, and it’s always kind of a way to test the other side’s reaction, because in the end we want to feel comfortable on our wedding day, so heaven forbid there won’t be a photographer or designer with even a hint of homophobia, because that can ruin our important event. We looked for gay-friendly and sensitive vendors who would make us feel as comfortable as possible.”
Do you have thoughts about expanding your family?
Liza: “Of course, even before the wedding we started looking into the process of starting a family. We began an initial process then, getting tested, checking carrier status, understanding what happens with sperm donation from Israel or abroad.”
Avi: “Liza is the more responsible of the two of us, so she does all the tests and inquiries.”
Liza: “It may seem trivial to people, but it’s pretty complicated.”
Avi: “If you interview us again next year, then we’ll probably already have news to share.”
“My father grabbed his head and said, ‘Oh no, my daughter is a lesbian’.”
Liza Rothman, formerly Bozhansky, is an Israeli Premier League volleyball player in the libero position. She played last season for Maccabi Ra’anana, before that spent two seasons with Maccabi Tel Aviv, and next season she will play for M.S. Ramat Aviv. Her résumé also includes five years with the Israel national team, three of them with the senior squad. Alongside her sports career, she is finishing a master’s degree in medical psychology this month. Avi Rothman, formerly an El Al flight attendant, currently works as a human resources manager at a high-tech company in the gaming sector. She will complete a master’s degree in law this year.
What background does each of you come from?
Avi: “I grew up in Ashdod in an Ashkenazi family. My mother was a German tourist who met my father here during some summer vacation, and he basically made it a condition that she convert to Judaism so they could get married. They lived in Beersheba, moved to Ashdod, with three daughters, I’m the middle one, the sandwich. My father died of an illness when I was 10, so I basically grew up with my mother and sisters. I had strong female energy at home from a very young age.”
Liza: “Both of my parents immigrated here from the former Soviet Union, and I was born and raised in Herzliya, then we moved and I lived in Ariel for six years, but at 14 I already left home and moved to the Wingate Institute boarding school. I lived there, trained there until I was 19, which was about the time I came out of the closet. Thanks to volleyball I received a full scholarship to college in the United States and lived for three years in Texas. When I returned to Israel I moved to Tel Aviv. It’s good that I came back, because that’s when I met Avi.”
Liza: “We were sitting in the hallway, and I’m crying, crying, trying and failing to tell my mother. She kept asking what happened, then she asked me, ‘Are you pregnant?’ and I answered, ‘No, I’m not pregnant, exactly the opposite,’ and I told her that the friend I had just come back from the trip with was not just my friend, she was my partner.”
What can you tell us about coming out?
“I come from a Soviet family, so I was pretty afraid to tell them. The first person I told was my mother. I told her after I came back from a trip to South America with a friend and was hospitalized for some treatment, and she came to visit me. We were sitting in the hallway, and I’m crying, crying, trying and failing to tell her. She kept asking what happened, then she asked me, ‘Are you pregnant?’ and I answered, ‘No, I’m not pregnant, exactly the opposite,’ and I told her that the friend I had just come back from the trip with was not just my friend, she was my partner.”
How did she react?
“I was sure she would take it hard, dramatically, and she really was a little cold, but she said, ‘It’s natural.’ I asked her if she wasn’t supposed to kick me out of the house now, and she answered, ‘But you don’t live at home anymore.’
“My mother has a doctorate in chemistry. I remember she said in that conversation that both sexes in nature are attracted to both sexes. I told my father only more than a year later. My knees were really shaking in front of him because he’s a tough Russian man. I was scared.”
And how did he react?
“He did grab his head and said, ‘Oh no, my daughter is a lesbian.’ But a few minutes later he said everything was fine, hugged me and said, ‘We love you as you are.’ Overall, my parents accepted it, although they did not come to pride parades and they did not wave flags. This year, for the first time, my mother asked to come with us and she will join us at the parade in Tel Aviv. She already bought an outfit and sent us what she’ll be wearing.”
“I was kind of outed,” says Avi.
What does that mean?
“My mother and sister found out I was in a relationship with a woman. When I found out, I ran away from home. My mother looked for me anxiously, asked me to come home and promised everything would be okay. When I came back, we didn’t talk about it for several years. Then, when my mother celebrated her 60th birthday, I came with my ex while we were still together, and my mother suddenly took her by the hand and went with her from one group of invited friends to the next at the event, introducing her to them. She told everyone, ‘This is my daughter’s partner.’ My ex didn’t really understand what was happening. When she introduced my partner to her friends, it was the first time I felt that she wasn’t ashamed of my relationship, that she was proud of it, proud of me.”
Have you experienced harassment or discrimination because of your sexual orientation?
“Less discrimination and harassment, but more sexual harassment, mainly from men. We’re a feminine, blonde couple, probably the object of fantasy for some men. The homophobia we encounter is men who have known me for less than an hour, it can be at work, colleagues or suppliers, who very quickly feel entitled to ask how it works, to question me about what goes on between us in the bedroom, and sometimes, although nobody asked them, also say that I probably just haven’t met the right guy yet.”
Ahead of Pride Parade, Liza and Avi were photographed for Tel Aviv Municipality’s “Vote With Your Feet” campaign, which calls on people to leave home and come to the parade, show presence and support for the LGBTQ community. The 28th Tel Aviv-Jaffa Pride Parade will take place on Friday, June 12, at 1:00 p.m., accompanied by trucks and buses, from the assembly point on Shelag Street, near Gordon Beach and the Lahat Promenade, and will end at the main Pride stage in Charles Clore Park.
