Israeli Poet Explores Intergenerational Trauma and Conditional Love in New Book
In recent years, especially since the events of October 7, post-traumatic stress has become a prominent topic in Israeli public discourse, affecting not only survivors of violence but also their immediate families. Avi Dekel, whose father fought as a tank crewman in the Yom Kippur War on the Golan Heights, is among those whose childhood was deeply shaped by the trauma inherited from their parents. Dekel’s new poetry book, "Betamuz," published by Shira Ivrit, offers a raw and unfiltered glimpse into how the trauma of war survivors can impact their children if left untreated.
Dekel describes growing up in a household dominated by silence, fear, and conditional love, where his father, a battle-scarred and emotionally withdrawn man, rarely expressed affection. His mother, also from a troubled background, took a controlling and demanding role. Dekel recalls how his father’s post-war wounds manifested in behaviors like painfully scraping his skin to remove imagined shrapnel, a metaphor Dekel channels into his poetry. He shares memories of loneliness, such as attending a football match alone because his father stayed outside, highlighting the emotional distance in their relationship.
Despite the harsh upbringing, Dekel emphasizes his commitment to breaking the cycle with his own children, Nimrod and Ella. Unlike his childhood, he openly expresses love daily and strives to create a secure and affectionate environment. His wife Monica, whom he met while studying in Finland, has been a supportive partner in this journey. Dekel acknowledges ongoing struggles with anxiety and self-doubt but stresses the importance of conscious effort to foster healthier relationships.
The book also serves as a personal legacy, allowing Dekel’s children to understand his experiences and the family’s hidden history. He reflects on the difficulty of fully escaping one’s childhood but expresses hope that by confronting and articulating these wounds, future generations can heal. Dekel’s story underscores the broader challenge of addressing the lingering effects of national trauma within families and society.
