Emily Ratajkowski’s post-divorce sex quest ends in disappointment

Emily Ratajkowski published a candid essay this week in New York Magazine about dating again after her divorce, as a newly single mother of a toddler. In the piece, titled “My Motherfucker,” a wordplay on the American expletive and men who like sleeping with divorced mothers, she describes the breakup of her marriage, the pressure of motherhood, and her desire to find casual, enjoyable sex without commitment.

Ratajkowski writes that she gave birth a few months after turning 30, then experienced what she calls a “violent” transition to a new reality of a crying baby and a swollen wedding ring. About six months after her son was born, she says, her husband and she stopped having sex, and the marriage eventually collapsed. She does not explain the reason, but says she wanted to return to dating and be desired again.

According to the article, that goal proved far harder than expected. She says she hoped for charming men who would make her feel sexy and satisfy her without strings, but instead encountered immature, low-effort dates, men who barely asked about her, and one man who crudely asked whether she liked dirty talk before delivering clumsy porn-style lines. She notes that many of these men fell in love with her, yet still did not try to impress her.

The essay also broadens into a critique of modern dating, especially the mix of fear, pressure, and performative behavior around sex and relationships. Ratajkowski says women in their 20s and 30s often feel forced to treat every date like a potential marriage audition, which makes it hard to be free in bed. She says she once avoided casual flings because she wanted to be “valuable” and “reserved,” and concludes bitterly that even being one of the most beautiful women in the world does not make the search for good sex easy.