A yeshiva student recounts how a match almost fell apart during a third date, after he discovered that the woman had secretly been using a smartphone. He says the world of shidduch research is full of half-truths and careful wording, and that what people hear in background checks often differs from reality.
The pair had already had a good first two meetings, and on their third date in Jerusalem, a relaxed “sports date” without formal dress, everything seemed to be going well. Then she suddenly took out a large smartphone and placed it on the table. “It’s not what I heard in the background checks,” he thought, and he admits the sight startled him. She immediately noticed his reaction, turned pale, and apologized, saying she had been sure he would understand.
She explained that she had hidden the phone because she wanted to avoid the stigma attached to a seminary graduate with a smartphone. According to her, the device was fully filtered and was bought for work, since her job involves travel and constant availability. “I’m not a saint, but I don’t think I deserve the label of ‘smartphone girl,’” she said. He asked for time to think, then later discussed it with his parents, who reacted with shock.
That night, he went out to the balcony and reflected on whether people would judge her differently in shidduchim if she had disclosed it openly. He concluded that the real issue was his own fear of the stigma he might face if others learned she had a smartphone. He realized he was about to reject her for the same reason she had hidden it in the first place, and he was left laughing bitterly at the irony.
