How Abusive Men Turn Sex Into a Tool of Control
The article argues that in abusive relationships, sex is not mutual or intimate, but a weapon of domination. It opens with a woman describing how a partner who once seemed sexually thrilling suddenly lost interest, rejected her advances, and told her she could not satisfy him. From there, the piece explains that the bedroom becomes a microcosm of the whole relationship, where the abuser seeks submission rather than closeness.
According to the article, the abusive man often begins as an exceptionally attentive lover. He showers the partner with praise, studies her preferences, and creates intense physical and emotional bonding through prolonged foreplay, eye contact, tenderness, and aftercare. This phase, described as strategic love bombing, is designed to make her trust him, feel desired, and become attached before the dynamic shifts.
Once he senses control, the sex becomes colder, more mechanical, coercive, and often punishing. The article says he may pressure the woman into acts she does not want, use her fantasies against her, demand explicit photos, threaten to share them with relatives or friends, and later use them as blackmail in disputes over custody or reputation. He may also shame her body, deny sex, turn intimacy into a test of loyalty, or insist on degrading and aggressive acts. The author says these patterns are especially common among men with traits linked to psychopathy, lack of empathy, impulsivity, hostility, and sadism.
The article includes multiple first-person testimonies. One woman says the relationship began with “the best sex” of her life, but later became painful, manipulative, and humiliating. Another says her partner used her sexual fantasies during arguments to make her feel ashamed. A further account describes coercion into group sex, another describes pressure despite a history of sexual trauma, and one woman says her partner kept her awake with sex for hours, even after she begged to stop. The article concludes that the goal is always the same, to break, humiliate, and subdue the victim.
